Time for some catching up 🌺
The speaker said life moves in seasons, and I believe so too. Right now I’m in a season where God feels incredibly close and tangible; starting from LTC, until right now as I’m typing this.
I just came out of a hard season of dealing with the ugliness in my soul – all my jealous tendencies and ill thoughts and self-hate. A lot of wrestling with Scripture I thought I already knew. I demanded God to show me what redemption is there for women like me – with stained pasts and what looked like a bleak future. No name, no glory, just contempt when I looked at the mirror. Oh, I hated the mirror.
But these days; the Lord has been clear and tender. The gospel message is there for us to claim and revisit every single day. Lest we forget the scandalous grace of God. My stained past and bleak future, my jealousy and ill thoughts and self-hate – are powerfully healed and removed and dealt with by the Lord. His promise is redemption. When I mourned my wretchedness and sobbed at the feet of Christ, begging for mercy, begging for new beginnings – I found love and hope. We are so, so loved by God. His mercies are fresh, daily. 🌺
I am clinging to His word and my journal time so closely. I am fiercely protective of it these days. My dark season feels so ominously near, even though it’s already past. My heart is refusing to partake in second-rate copies of the beauty of Jesus. And I love that. I treasure these days. Thank You Jesus. 🌺
When our house burned down in 2012, we found refuge in a small room in Urgello. Turns out, this was wildly orchestrated by God, because the proximity of this room to the church allowed for me to meet Jesus.
It’s been 6 years, almost 7. I’ve been praying for so long – SO LONG – for us to be able to move out. You probably know this. To move where there is sunlight when I wake up. Where there’s a kitchen for my mom. Where the ceilings don’t leak and pests don’t infest and I can welcome people who need a place or a meal.
Every Christmas I spent in our tiny room, I prayed for a new place. And every year it went unanswered. It seemed impossible to move out. I was a student then. We have a huge debt (since the fire). Now my brother and I have a job, but the move still looks like a purple monster I have to defeat. All my prayers regarding a house varied from season to season – sometimes it was begging. Sometimes anger. Sometimes, a monologue of whining, asking God why on earth He won’t let us do this (terribly misguided prayer).
Until this season.
He transformed my prayer. I now long for a house where I can have a secret place. Where I can meet with God without being swallowed by my own darkness first. That’s all I asked. That secret place.
In a dizzying blur of events, God answered.
Last thursday I got a message about the move being possible (money was available).
Last friday I texted around 10 for rent listings. Only 2 replied.
Last Saturday I went to view the house.
Yesterday I brought my mom.
Today, we gave our deposit 😭🌺🌹
I’m amazed by how God works when our hearts are right with Him. When they’re sincere and pure in the desire to seek who He really is. When my angry, self-serving prayers dropped to a humble desire to sit at His feet more often in a quiet place – God moved so quickly. 😭🌺
There are a million things to figure out. We’re starting from scratch. Zero. And to be honest, sometimes all this terrifies me; the digits, the details, they terrify me. But God is so unbelievably close. Thank You Jesus. We’ll figure this out together. 😭🌺
There is this one thing I’m dying to share, but my heart’s telling me it’s not quite the time. 🌺 For now, I’m asking you to pray for this new undertaking of mine. 🌺🌹🌼🌻💐 May the Lord provide me people and places and resources for this.
I wish there was a way for me to fully express the beauty of these days, but for now, my words will suffice.
My prayer for you: I hope you experience the fullness of Christ. His shocking closeness. His life-giving hope. His liberating love. I pray He sends His Spirit wherever you are, and call you to heights unimaginable and places undiscovered. Oh, it’s absolutely terrifying and magnificent. But He is there. 🖤