My wildest dream came true today.
There are a million things to unpack from this whole experience, and by no means am I able to do that today nor in this blog post. I am drowning in gratefulness, in positive disbelief, in joy. Can you imagine? God’s goodness turned my anxiety into achievement, my depression into a diploma. Only a good God can turn our swords into scepters. He is good like that. Thank You Lord.
The question What’s next is suspended all around me like strings from balloons that cannot escape from the ceiling. Believe me, my dreams are like those balloons; but if there is anything to learn from college, it is this – my timetable is usually faster than God’s timetable for me and it’s largely because of my impatience and unhealthy levels of achieving goals.
I praise God that He taught me to slow down, to wait a full year before graduating. Who knew creating the good stuff happens in the quiet, in the moments the clock rests? Who knew words come to me when I sit to listen? That before I write, I should read, and read slow? Thank You Lord. You always break my breakneck pace. It broke some parts of me, inertia I guess, but it gave me stronger bones. Longer patience. The quiet, sure resolve of saying no and not yet. To be content with a distant longing gaze, balang-araw makakamit ko yan, pero hindi pa ngayon. To be joyful in saying that.
This dream is finally in my hands and I cannot even believe it. I want to give it back to You Lord. My hands do not know what to do with a diploma, but You always know what to do with the things we offer You.
I’m grateful this is over, too, because it is rushing in a whole new array of dreams that have been out on hold. My mom and I were talking about our next plans. A house and a masters degree and her retirement. We’re not talking about an impossible future anymore! In fact, it was never impossible. We just had to be brought to this moment to believe in it.
You know the seeds in my heart Lord, You know which ones grow and bloom and which ones will kill me. Help me discern Your will on what to water.
This life is Yours. If I ever stray may I read this again and regain sense. Haha.
So this is to all the dreamers – I believe God plants dreams in our hearts because He wants us to believe, even without seeing it yet. He wants us to have faith, have faith in Him that He will come through for us. A diploma is invisible if like me you were a poor teen in dire financial situations. If we let God define the terms of our dreams, the technicalities, the whys and hows and whens, and when we pour out ourselves in believing – we will start to see. Joseph was 17 years old when he was told he was gonna rule someday, and swiftly he was sold into slavery, later on imprisoned. Abraham was childless when he was promised his descendants were gonna be as numerous as the stars in the sky. Dreams are planted on impossible ground.
But God moves. Slowly, like the growth of a seed from beneath the ground. Quietly, like the blooming of an unopened bud. Life-changing, like the rolling of the tomb stone on Easter morning. God is a dream fulfilling God and that’s because He is good and He wants His name magnified in the said goodness.
So, believe. Believe that God is who He says He is, that Jesus is who He claims to be, that His plans are for you and not against you. That there is more to life. At this point I am talking to my self last year, on the verge of ejecting herself from believing. I am so glad I didn’t stop believing. All by God’s grace!
I also thank the people along the way, cheering me on. Daghan kaayo mo, as in. I would thank all of you personally, I probably have, sa mga wala pa, huwat lang. Haha. Thank you. Thank youuuuuu.