I hate how toxic my heart gets when I feel like I can’t take things anymore. I am writing this before I explode on anyone. Today I swatted away somebody who prayed for me. I got annoyed by somebody who told me I should pray about my situation. I got an okay grade in my exam, and I loathed it. I do not like okay, sabi ko sa sarili ko. I want excellence. Kailan pa, kriz?
I got annoyed by the pedestrian who was walking at a leisurely pace ahead of me at the sidewalk. I got places to be, kuya, bilisan mo naman. I lamented the lack of crew sa cantata tonight, only to find that there were actually enough people to do the job and to do it right.
Oh heart. Oh dear heart. I now remember why I dropped pursuing excellence a few years back – because I saw the way people trampled people on their way up, and how I did it too, and it’s all coming back to me today–
I feel like a car running low on gas but speeding on overdrive. I do not own a car so I do not know if I used the metaphor right.
Let thy goodness, like a fetter
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.