Bigyan ko kayo ng true-to-life flashback mula sa buhay ko. Itatagalog ko ang dialogue for the common good (ano daw?)
INT. CAMPUS RADIO BOOTH – DAY
Si Krizia, 19, na maayos ang uniform pero magulo ang buhok, ay naghahanda para sa kanyang 6pm radio show. Kasama nya ang co-dj niya na si Dwight. Off-air pa sila.
Besh, ako lang ba, or hindi ka rin makasulat pag masaya ka?
HALA BESH! You know what ako rin. Meron akong journal na puro sad things ang nakadocument dahil wala akong gana magsulat kapag masaya ako.
I think it’s because kapag pain, o sadness ang nararamdaman natin gusto natin ilabas, diba? Kaya we write to forget. Pero pag masaya ka, bakit mo naman ilalabas yon?
Oo nga, i think it’s true. Kaya naman look at us, #maoymondays forever. Right? Happy poems are foreign to us.
Fade to Black.
Ganern, mga kafreshness. Hindi naman yata yan universal or anything but happiness really really stumps me when I write. Last year at around july or august I was writing something and grabe, wala talaga. Masaya ako non eh. Buti na lang a few weeks after I got really hurt so ayon, nairaos ang short film, nashoot, medyo nanalo ng award.
But did you see the phrase? Buti na lang I got hurt? Haha. Puhunan kasi yon eh. Even my latest spoken word poem, I was really really empty when I started conceptualizing it. A week later I got my heart shattered (over a friendship. Wag kang chismosa) and bam, the words flowed like water. Wrote an entire piece in less than 30 minutes.
However, mga mars (time for some serious character development here); these past two weeks, I’ve been really happy. As in giddy, waking up with a smile happy. Pep in my step happy. Singing happy songs kind of happy. And this joy set in when I started my OJT, but that’s not the reason. Kasabay lang. Haha.
In fact, I don’t have a significant event or happening behind this joy. I am just happy.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and honestly I was afraid to dissect it. Baka kasi fragile eh, you know? Baka pag masyado kong in-analyze eh mawala na siya?
That’s when I realized na the foundation of this joy is pretty solid. Here’s why:
1) I am happy because I am forgiven. The first half of 2016 taught me about forgiveness. All my blunders, all the wounds I’ve inflicted on others, all the horrible sins I’ve committed – forgiven.
Behold, it was for my welfare that I had great bitterness; but in love you have delivered my life from the pit of destruction, for you have cast all my sins behind your back. – Isaiah 38:17
2) I am happy because I am free. I’m no slave anymore – I am free. My chains are rusting on the floor. I can dance around this destruction, dance around all the dead parts of me on the floor. I am alive, untethered, free.
So if the Son sets you free, you are free indeed. John 8:36
3) I am happy because I am new. I am being renewed every single day. I am growing and my heart is stretching to accomodate more beautiful things that God provides, and no, Kriz, wag ka masyadong yuyuko. Don’t you see all the new things up ahead?
Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. – Isaiah 43:19
Have I been writing about this joy? Not much. Not yet. But, hey, Krizia, eto ang kaligayahang hindi ka mauubusan, at hindi rin magigiba. Why am I so afraid of losing a joy I cannot lose?
So what do we do now mga mars? We write. We write happy. 🙂
Friend, if you read this and could not relate with all the yellow and sunshine in this post, let me reach out to you and give you a hug. My own gray days are not far away, I know. Who knows baka bukas, back to square one na naman ako. But let me encourage you with this: God loves the downtrodden and depressed with the same intensity He loves the happy and completely okay. He is with you in that storm, as He has always been in mine. Kapit lang, bezzie.