How to be blooming

Okay ladies, we need to talk.

(Note: if you happen to be a man and you end up on this post for some reason, it’s totally fine. You can even read it but DON’T JUDGE OKAY I am seriously watching you right now. Hahahhaa k bye)

So back to the ladies. Yesterday we celebrated the International Women’s Day and I was planning to post something that would empower the women of today. However, I wasn’t feeling empowered at all.

Yesterday I was having a normal day in the life of Krizia, Finals edition. You can spot me in a forlorn coffeeshop trying to avoid any eye contact with other humans. That is Stressed Krizia in its natural habitat, highly caffeinated and aggressive when provoked.

Hindi naman, joke lang. But yeah, I was there, magulo ang buhok and staring at a blank Microsoft Word Document.

Now I am 100 percent certain that I am not alone. It comforts me na hindi lang ako ang babaeng may bad skin at walang tulog at on the brink of another flu. Haha. If I just described you, halika, I’ll give you a hug.

So iyan, about 58 percent of the teenage girl population is stressed out at hindi pa nagsusuklay (i made that statistic up, besh). The number skyrockets kapag Finals week.

HOWEVER MGA KAFRESHNESS, there are just some girls na laging mukhang mabango at rosy ang cheeks at nakakapagselfie with eyebrows on fleek. They have the same ton of work you have na kailangan tapusin but they manage to do it with poise and charisma, habang ikaw nagcocontemplate ka kung pwede mo ba ulitin yung tshirt na isinuot mo kahapon dahil hindi ka pa nakakapaglaba.

Saan kaya sila humuhugot ng self-esteem, noh? Or ng time? 24 hours rin ba ang day nila, 7 days ang week? WHAT ARE WE MISSING OUT ON, MGA KABABAYAN?

Yes, mga kumare. Tama ang kutob niyo. We will be talking about insecurity.

I am not qualified to talk about insecurity and cure you of it because first of all, I suffer from it ALL THE TIME. Kahapon lang. May nakasabay ako sa coffeeshop na med student. I caught myself staring at her perfect hair. BAKIT HO GANON, DI BA MED KA? DI BA WALA KA NANG TIME MAGSUKLAY? MASSCOM LANG HO AKO. (Haha joke lang med friends, I love you all.)

But seriously. It might sound funny at times but insecurity can eat at you, turn you into someone you are not and eventually destroy you.

So let’s talk about Laura. Laura is not a real person, wala akong kilalang Laura in real life. Haha. Laura is a composite – or pinaghaluhalong babae na naiinsecure talaga ako. Tara i-analyze natin kung bakit.

So si Laura, ka-edad ko lang iyan. We are connected as some form of acquaintance, but hindi kami super close. We’re just cool. In fact noong simula I was excited about the thought of being good friends with Laura. But that seems unlikely. Bakit kaya?

At the beginning, okay lang. Then you start to know more about her.

Ahhh, mayaman pala sila.
Ahhh only child/dalawa lang sila.
Ohhh ang galing niya magdrawing!
Sumasali siya sa mga intercollege/regional/national contests, cool
May boyfriend siya?!?!?!?!
Woaah consistent deans lister!
Love siya ng lahat
Ang ganda ng instagram feed niya!

Etcetera, etcetera stuff like that. We all know that one girl na mas better talaga sa atin in almost everything.

But, come to think of it, those list of achievements and qualities do not affect my life whatsoever, in fact eighteen years na ako sa world na ito before I met her so unrelated talaga. Pero bakit ako affected?

It’s because I start to place my own life beside hers and start comparing.

– Oh no, nakabili siya ng Kylie Jenner Lipkit. *looks at wallet* *a cute five cent coin stares back at you*
– *attempts to paint* *it looks nothing like art*
– Ano ba yan I can’t write a single decent word this writing talent is dysfunctional Lord magdadancer nalang ako
– *gets dropped from the deans list*
– Slumps into depression when Laura posts another heart heart eyes emoji because it’s definitely about the boyfriend ETCETERA

The list will go on. You will constantly find worse things about your life. Kapag nakahanap ka ng something you are better at, you will hold on to that and flaunt it in front of everyone para mapansin nila na kahit sa isang category man lang in life ay nakalamang ka kay Laura.

Insecurity leads to envy and jealousy and bitterness and hatred and self-pity and I know that pattern like the back of my hand. Nagsimula iyan when you started taking Krizia and jamming it into the Laura mold of life. Hindi ka magkakasya dyan.

Girl, if you are struggling with insecurity, I feel you. As iiiiinnnnn. We wish we are better, taller, skinnier, overachiever-er, ganyan ganyan. But did you know that you were knit together perfectly and you are fearfully and wonderfully made? And that God has spent time poring over the details of your life? That even before you were born He has chosen you and called you by name?

It’s time we stopped looking at other people’s lives and start looking to our Author and Perfecter of faith – Jesus.

This is a wide topic and I hope I can say more in the next few posts. But I’mma focus on one thing today, and that is you are not missing out on anything good.

I’ve been in conversations with lady friends this week, and we are all having a hard season of life. It doesn’t help that someone out there, someone we know, could be living  the life we are hoping to live. Ilang dekada ka nang single and suddenly everyone in your circle of friends gets engaged. Or you feel stuck in your degree program or job and you see someone else enjoying where they are. Or, you are having such a hard time finishing your thesis while others don’t seem to have a problem with it.

We can’t help but think, noh, na what if ako iyan? What if ako yung sinurprise nung Valentine’s Day? What if I had that job? What if I was as smart as her?

There is this one verse in Psalm na go-to verse ko whenever insecurity claws at me.

Psalm 34:10 “The young lions suffer want and hunger, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.”

Friend. What differentiates those who lack and those who don’t? Seeking the Lord. Looking to Jesus.

I have this big sister of sorts in church and she’s single. Most of her friends are engaged or married. Some people tease her na baka she missed the bus or dinaanan na siya ng pagkakataon. She used to believe that, too, until she realized that God loves her. God is not cruel, and He is a loving Father who loves giving gifts to His children.

Without God, of course you will be stuck in an endless pursuit of being better. Laging may kulang. Laging hindi enough. You will be driven by envy and insecurity and you will end up worse than when you started being insecure.

But, if you focus on God and His beauty, His faithfulness in your life, if you just focus on how much He loves you – you’ll realize na you lack no good thing. Remember that His plans for you are good. He renews your strength. He provides rest for the weary. He takes your ashes and brokenness and makes it beautiful. You have everything you can ever possibly need when you are at the presence of your Savior, who loves you and gave Himself for you.

That changed the way I view my Lauras. Kumbaga, kanya-kanyang buhay. God’s got great plans for Laura, but He’s got great plans for you, too. Iyan ang abangan mo.

And, a quick note before I end, kahit na ba wala ka pang tulog or hindi pa nagsusuklay or puro eyebags ka na, God is deeply, irresistibly in love with you. Nakakablooming, noh?

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