These are all the many changes… Part 1

Pansin ko na ever since The Incident maraming nagbago sa akin. In the coming days ikukuwento ko ang iba, pero for now, eto muna.

Hindi na ako control freak.

At first, I thought na baka sa depression lang, and maybe when I snap out of it babalik na ang bossy and pushy tendencies ko.

Or baka naman tinatamad lang, emotionally recovering pa kasi and all.

This week has been really hectic. Dalawang docu ang shinoot, pinroduce at inedit. Chapter One ng Thesis. Demo sa College Teaching. Pitching ng PR Plan. Lengthy reaction papers. All in one week. And ang pinaka-ikinagulat ko ay heto: hindi ako nagpanic, not even once. Kahit na kaharap ko na ang teacher at nagrerender pa ang docu.

There was this calmness I cannot quite explain, almost too phlegmatic for my liking. I did not force tasks on other people, nor did I take away their tasks para ako nalang ang gumawa. Wala lang. Chill lang.

The thought at the back of my head? ‘Di ako pababayaan ni Lord.

Pinanghawakan ko iyan, in the midst of the incident, when all I heard was blame and lies and deception. – ‘Di ako pababayaan ni Lord.

When the blow came, when everything crumbled – ‘Di ako pababayaan ni Lord.

When I fought hard to function normally because I immediately judged na hindi nila ako maiintindihan – ‘Di ako pababayaan ni Lord.

When I finally accepted the commitment na matagal nang nag-aabang sa aking oo – ‘Di ako pababayaan ni Lord.

At this week, nang isang oras nalang pero kulang ka pa ng 3 minutes worth of footage, or pag nasa taxi ka na, nageemail ng meeting minutes sa boss  habang nagrerender ang docu sa lap mo, at kapag nagpapalpitate ka na sa kaba habang pinipitch ang PR Plan niyo – ‘Di ako pababayaan ni Lord.

Truelalu, mga bezzie. At not only hindi ako napabayaan, I also never functioned as well as I did this week than any other week in my college life.

Try nyo rin. 🙂

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